Recently I have taken another step to social whoring my animals. I made Blizzard an Instagram because I love following buns on Instagram so maybe people would want to follow my bun. In all my Instabunnying I've stumbled across a bunny named Smeagol who has cancer on his nosey.
It is so scary because the vets didn't think it was a big deal until it was a super big deal!! This is why I totally don't feel silly when I'm afraid my rabbit is going to die all the time and my first thought coming home is often "OMG Blizzard is totally dead." Okay maybe I feel a little silly but seriously bunnies and fragile creatures that need all the love they can get! So the point is, please help contribute to Smeagol since his parents are AMAZING hoomins who have decided to try to help him live as much as possible and not put him to sleep. It is very expensive and time consuming but they are doing it!!
You can chip in right there by clicking the Chip In! button that is on the side with all my other widgets. I was only able to contribute $10 but every little bit counts, right?
I have been looking all morning for Rabbit Societies in Vermont, they just don't exist. There should be a place for us to take our bunnies and let them socialize! I will have to open a place up. They have things like that in Japan. Japan has everything. Even Bunny Cafes! Where they have rabbits and you can bring your rabbit and you sip teas with buns! Too good to be true.
It's all just so cute!! I would love if there was something like this were I could go to. Maybe I could open something like this up, wouldn't that be nice?
At the beginning of 2012 I was still living in the Emergency Homeless Shelter for youth. I was excited because we got to stay up until 3:00 am playing some basket ball game on the Xbox. For some reason I was really good at the game even though I had never played a sports video game before. The people I was playing with were really cheering me on and impressed, it was cool because in shelter people aren't usually the nicest. I had worked through the holidays and was tired. When Buzz went home he gave me the keys to his apartment. He knew things would be closed for holiday and all my friends went home to visit family. I would have nowhere to go at 8:30 every morning. That was when they kicked us out on the streets.
At the end of 2012 I stayed in my apartment reading comic books. I didn't feel like going out and getting wasted to usher in the new year. My girlfriends weren't stoked that I was staying home but that's what I wanted and sometimes it's so difficult when they want to hang out all the time. I really enjoy my alone time.
Alone time, that is something I have achieved in the last year. Along with many other things. This has been the best year in my life. 2012 was an amazing time. I started the year with goals involving my first semester at the University of Vermont. I also was waiting to get into government subsidized housing. I started the year doing both. Both didn't work out. University of Vermont gave me out of state residency and charged me so much I could not cover the tuition in loans. Because I could not cover the tuition, they wanted me to start paying immediately. So I left school due to stress trying to figure out how to pay all of that money. That didn't stop me from taking tap dance classes though, my first dance class. I started working at COTS full time for a temporary position. The government subsidized housing was a program through the homeless shelter that I lived in, there were rules. I had to be home by ten, had chores I had to do, and no guests. Like all government housing, my rent was 30%, but I made so much money at the time 30% was $530!! I could just get my own apartment, and so I did. I also happened to get a smart phone. David started talking to me again and bought me an iPhone 4S. We started talking more regularly, the beginning of getting my brother back. :D. I moved out the restrictive housing and stayed with Buzz until June apartments opened up. It was the first time I was free in nine months! No curfew! No assigned chores! And no living with at least 5 other people, and homeless kids at that.
Living with Buzz was fun though we didn't care for that apartment too much and had limited things. We had a tv and a bed, and a PS3 that I bought him. Of course I had my mountain of books, clothes, and cassettes but those are extra. We had two plates and two bowls. Our frying pan was the former person who lived there's and was very beaten up. I worked hard finding an apartment and found this cute little thing downtown. I could have pets and there was a full bathtub, the main things I wanted. Plus, all the walls are bright colors! Bathroom is a nice pastel purple, it was the cherry on tiop.
Before I moved in though, I saw my family for the first time since I moved back to Vermont. I wasn't fucked up anymore with depression and drugs. The trip was amazing I that I saw my little brothers who are my pride and joy. I even briefly saw my niece Emma Leigh. She is just wonderful. The only problem with the trip is that besides the children, everyone is fucked up. I never really noticed how bad it was, no I did but I maybe I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to care. It hurt to see my family suffer money problems and stress issues and relationship grief and broken dreams, I want them to be happy! None the less the trip was a good idea and it was nice to go on a vacation. The pictures are here.
When we moved in to our new apartment, we didn't have a table or chairs, or any house stuff really. Buzz and I spent most of out time the first two months just getting things for the place, like grown up things. Futon and a fancy coffee table. Table mats, rice cooker, coasters, home things. I lost my full time position at COTS but they took me on as a permanent part time, I was grateful for that and it didn't bother me, I just looked for a second job. The summer went by and in July I decided I wanted a pet, because I was lonely went I was in the apartment alone and not used to having no one around. That's when I got Blizzard. If you know anything about me or have even glanced at my blog you'd realize my rabbit is half of my life. My other half is coming up...
Shortly after bunny, I broke up with Buzz. That was a downer but liberating all the same. then, I turned 21. My birthday was depressing. Bar were fun at first and still are in moderation, but I was down about Buzz. Though, life goes on and I got asked to be permanent full time at COTS working with contracts too.
In September David moved up to Vermont. It was something that I had been wanting for a while. The south was ruining him and he lost his job. I hadn't had him as a friend in years and finally we could hang out again! I got him to doctors, got him to the dentists, got him on antidepressants! He is doing great, he seems happy now. Happiest I've seen him in a long time and I am glad to be a part of it.
October I decided to get a cat. I wanted a kitten while Blizzard was young too. So I got the other half of my heart, Thunder. When holiday time came I dress them in Santa outfits. It was the first Christmas I could spend lots of money on my family. It felt nice. I need to get my dad a beer brewing kit, I haven't ordered it yet though unfortunately. I hope he uses it. Me and my step dad, whom I call Dad, have become very close and it's nice to have a good relationship with one of my parents. I've never had a good relationship with Mom or my biological father, but me and Dad call each other fairly often and it's always nice. I've been trying to encourage him to get a job up here because I think it would cheer him up and he'd make more money. I got Christopher, the youngest brother, a violin, and Petey a DS Lite. I hope they both like them. It feels nice to actually be able to give them stuff without them worrying about money. When I was their age I was always worried around Christmas because I knew our family couldn't afford it, I don't want them to worry about money ever again.
Now, it is 2013. I can only move forward, so here are my resolutions:
Read 22 books
Speak French on a conversational level
Improve guitar skills
Improve bass skills
Improve ukulele skills, memorize ukulele chords
Learn some violin
Lose 10 pounds
Get under eye plastic surgery
Get on a good amount of ADD medication
Go back to college
Keep Thunder and Blizzard alive
Set up payment on Mom's parent plus loan
Get rabbit tattoo
Cut back on smoking
Help David get custody of Emma Leigh
Learn how to text in Japanese
That's what I have so far. I've already made th consultation for my plastic surgery and memorized about half of the hiragana. Thunder got his last shots today. I got switched to Adderall, and I'm pretty happy. And it's only four days into the new year!!!
Yesterday I was prescribed Ritalin. It was a long process and confusing. I went to the doctors three days in a row until they prescribed it.
I went first because my Wellbutrin does not work anymore. I've been on it for a year and a half, up to 400 mgs. When I first started taking it the pills worked well. I got out of my depression, I started going to college, got a job, housed, got some pets. It worked for a while - but now it does not. So I went in the doctor's with the idea that I wanted stimulants.
But we're not supposed to say that, right? If we say that, we wont get them because we just want to abuse them, right?
So I went through the rigmarole of various screenings. Actually, I was honest with every answer. According to their little screening I am ADD, I even have some Hyperactivity in me too. Of course they screened me for other things - I passed those tests too. I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD according to their tests.
But I just wanted stimulants, don't give me beta-blockers to help me sleep. I don't have energy as it is. So, I sat down with my doctor and she wanted to put me on a non-stimulant that helps focus. But it is more expensive so I got on Methylin, a cheap generic Ritalin.
But now I feel so bad, the whole time I was there it was like the doctors knew I wanted stimulants, and that is bad. Personally I don't think it is bad. And it is true that I do not focus well. I hope stimulants work for me because when I have abused them I was focused and up an at em. Though, I read that it helps everyone focus. Kids take them in school to get better grades. I read this NY Times article where they were talking about the horrors of kids abusing Adderall to get into good colleges. LOL since when are people complaining about kids taking the initiative to get better grades and get into good schools? People complain about drugs and alcohol because they hinder people's ability to function. Stimulants enhance, they don't hinder. They help EVERYONE focus, so if kids use them to enhance their study sessions it's the end of the world? They find other things to help them stay up all night before a test. Coffee, energy pills, energy drinks. But those aren't frown upon because we can't get addicted to them. Oh wait. We can.
An addict is an addict, even if you take their drug of choice away, they'll find something else.
Don't get me wrong, there are some bad things that come with stimulants, tweaking and crashing. But should I feel like a damn criminal when I go into the doctor's and want ADD meds? I bet if I asked to get on anti-depressants they'd be fine with that. Doctors have no qualms handing out anti-depressants. They make you numb though, not happy. You can't really abuse Zoloft.
So when we started talking about getting me on ADD medication the conversation was awkward due to the elephant in the room. The elephant being "No, even though I am a young adult in the lower middle class, I don't want to abuse these or sell them" But I can't say that, she'll think I'm lying.
Not enough people who need stimulants are getting them because they can be abused. Because our society has decided that Adderall is bad, unlike say Xanax or Loratabs (that Doctors hand out more freely). When someone wants to get on them, it is bad. We have to wait for the doctor to make up their mind with what they think you need, and there is no conversation. We have little say in the mental medications we consume.
Here are some complimatary photos of myself and stuff.
Buzz has stayed longer than anticipated, but I subjected him to a spa night. Filled a pot of warm water to soak feet. Got foot scrub and loofah. Sat around watching The Thirteenth Floor and scrubbing our feet. Face masks were next and then I did my nails. It's really fun being a girl sometimes.
Last week Buzz and David came on Monday, December 3rd for KIM DAY. Kim Day is my holiday. Basically, when I was eleven years old my mother had her fourth child and I was convinced I would never get the proper attention a princess like me deserves. (I was right.) My parents decided that I should make up my own holiday - not my birthday - as a day just about me me me.
Well, I have celebrated for 10 years strong and my parents have yet to acknowledge the day.
It's actually a lot of fun, having your own holiday, and I suggest to everyone to make up their own holiday too. I always get sad on my birthday, as illustrated here. But Kim Day is just an excuse to feel special and go around saying "Happy Kim Day!" And other people respond "Happy Kim Day!" It's lighthearted fun.
So this Kim Day, Buzz and David came from out of state to visit. David was in New York with our Biological Father, and Buzz had already moved back to Cape Cod. When I got off work on Kim Day, they picked me up and we went and bought me an iPhone 5! I had to switch onto my brother's Verizon plan. Thank gawd though, because before I had Sprint and they suck so hard.
So, iPhone 5. Yep. That's cool. Honestly, I have not had time to enjoy it yet because I have been so busy! Tuesday morning Sierra (David's girlfriend) came up to visit from New Orleans. So Tuesday Buzz went and covered my work shift while I slept in and then started showing Sierra around town with Dave. It was fun. Tuesday night we saw the band Trampled by Turtles in concert and it was great! Wednesday I went to work but was still feeling sick so I left at Noon and went home to sleep most of the day. That night my friend Cameron came over and we all watched this German movie called The Wave. It was actually pretty good. Interested seeing German's view on Hitler and tyranny and all. Thursday I slept a lot of the day and didn't get up until 6pm! You may be thinking "wtf Kim? You haven't been busy, you've been sleeping!" But I have been so sleepy, you have no idea. I just feel so wiped out, I'm afraid my Wellbutrin isn't working anymore. I went to the doctor's yesterday and they took blood to check my thyroid. I got very lightheaded, and then they tried to explain health insurance. Do not explain health insurance after you take someone's blood. It doesn't work.
Thursday evening my Doc Martin's came in the mail. I will have to take photos because they are beautiful, even though I have already scuffed them up. But, they're boots. Who can take very good care of shoes when they are on the dirty ground all the time?
I spent my weekend in New York with my biological father, David, and his girlfriend Sierra. There was a lot of whiskey, guitars, and red necks. Sorry this post took forever to finish. So busy.
