No Fasbuk?!

I'm off Fasbuk, y'all. No I did not block everyone I know. They wanted my real name, I wouldn't give them my real name. So now Fasbuk wont even let me log in to my account to delete or even access all my stuff. Fuck. Fasbuk.

So, there are all these people on the internet that can't contact me! Sorry, everyone. Email me at karabideau@gmail.com or bunni333@gmail.com (I don't use the latter as much as the former anymore.)

I also don't really blog much anymore. Because, it's just self indulgent and when I was 20-21 I liked being self indulgent. I had just stopped living in a homeless shelter and I wanted to prove to myself, and everyone else, that I could have a nice life too. With cute clothes and make up and rabbits. I still have rabbits but I don't feel like I need to prove myself anymore.

If you wanna know what I've been up to, go look at my drawings. I got links on this blog to the different webpages that have various things I do. "My Drawings" is the one I have been adding to the most.

I've changed the URL to this blog to bunnifuckyou.blogspot.com because I wanted just Bunni and they didn't have it and I don't like the sound of "Kimmy Bunni" anymore.

I've also added "My Sounds" link, to a Soundcloud I made for the little audio endeavors I have. I haven't added to it in a while but I'm sure I will in the next few months.

But that's it y'all. I'm not super interested in social media. Hang out with me in real life. We can drink wine.  Oh wait. Okay I AM a little self indulgent. I'll add "My Ego" to the top. That will link to my Instagram where sometimes I post pictures. That is a social media I have, but I'm not great at it so if I don't follow you, it isn't personal.

This isn't like, goodbye though. I mean, I might blog again about something. When I feel like it. See you then.

Achieved Associates

I am done getting an Associates!  I am so happy about it.  I have been trying to put myself through college for 4 years, on and off.  Now I finally have something to show for it!  I took 3 classes this semester.  They were all art related classes and that demanded a lot from me in terms of creativeness.  I was also working full time when I was taking these classes, so I was a busy bee this past semester.

This semester I learned that I am not as academically competitive as I used to be back in high school.  Where I used to be an A student in the National Honor Roll Society back at Bay High School, I'm not stressed out about poor test grades anymore.  I more interested in actually learning and being able to apply what I learn.  I got an A-, C-, and B in my classes (respective to the order they are shown below.)  The grade aren't great and as you can see Filmmaking and Music class kinda killed me.  But all of my teachers seemed to appreciate my contribution in class, so I think it is a semester well done.  I talked a lot in all my classes and I enjoy the discussions and conversations my classes had.  Theres my course evaluation and what my teachers had to say about me.

Graphic Design I:

Kim took her coursework seriously and put a lot of thought into the class projects. She actively participated in class discussions and critique offer informed comments. She put a great deal of thought into her projects and assignments. Kim demonstrated strong creative problem solving skills and developed an excellent command of technology. She pushed herself to create effective and interesting work. She has the dedication and insight to become a successful designer. Her quirky sense of humor made class interesting. She was a pleasure to have in class.

Introduction to Digital Filmmaking:

Kim barely squeaked by with a non-failing grade due to missing 3 class times and not turning in her final project. However, she was an excellent contributor in class and the work she did, while often late or not 100% complete, was quite good. She also offered to help other students on their projects and gave very good feedback during in-class screenings. Her narrative scene, based on Isaac Asimov's short story, Nightfall, was quite ambitious in scope, and he documentary short was informative and engaging.

Introduction to Technology in Music:

Kim, I was hoping you'd pull it all together for the final, and boost yourself into the 'A' range, but you went the other way, scoring a 66% on the exam. Everything averaged out to a solid 'B' though, so all wasn't lost. Thank you for your class participation. You made a big contribution to what I felt was a very open and comfortable class dynamic this semester. It was a real pleasure having you in the class. Good luck in your future studies.

Let's just not talk about the final exam in music, okay?  I seriously spent 2 hours on that thing and by the end of it I was just throwing in words into blanks.  I can't memorize terms like I used to be able to.  But if you want to know about condenser mics and the mellotron I think I could tell you a think or two.

Learning Adventure: N-Word, Drugs, Virus, Politics, Paula Deen, Infatuations, Cannes Festival

Today I'm just been reading a bunch of articles on the internet.  I do this a lot actually but I thought I would share what I've been reading.  There's a lot of different things I'm interested in and I certainly love learning.  So let's begin with what I will call a "Learning Adventure."

To start off on a spicy note, a discussion on how to limit the use of the word "nigger."
I also made the horrible mistake of reading some of the comments, don't bother.  It's all just mindless arguing often.  Some think the word should be banned, or illegal.  Others believe we should use it all the time so it will lost it's power.  They mention the constant use of the word in rap or other black artists - comedians, actors, etc - and the history of it's use.

I also looked at these comics on illegal drugs.  One arguing if we should make them legal due to the high cost of keeping someone in prison.  The other comic illustrates all the deaths that can occur in the process selling drugs.  Interestingly, the second comic mentions deaths that could all have been circumvented if drugs were legalized.

On the ride to work today with my brother, we listened to StarTalk, a podcast show with Neil Degrasse Tyson.  I only listened for about 10 minutes on my ride to work, and it is a 45 minute show, so I don't know what the whole thing is about.  They talk about viruses and how many of the lethal sicknesses people get come from animals like bats that are forced out of their natural habitat and enter Humanland.  Another problem is the illegal owning and smuggling of exotic animals.  These animals aren't usually seen by a health inspector and can go to places carrying viruses that they are immune to, yet carry.  Basically what I learned here is that I can't have a red panda and the world sucks because of it.

A more lighthearted article talked about the attraction between Republicans and Liberals.  Republicans don't want to date Liberals and vice versa.  Usually people that really believe in the values of each party , especially the social issues, have these values spill over into other aspects of their lives.  So, they don't want to date, or if they do - it wont last long.  In case you are wondering (if it's not obvious), I am a liberal.  (Sorry Republicans)

Here is a quickie about Paula Deen, the courts dropped the case on the racist part of the case but sexual harassment still stands.  I think it's because the person suing them was white, so there is no proof as to where the discrimination was directed.  But Paula Deen still confessed to being a fat, buttery idiot that joked about having a plantation themed party.  I mean come on, I don't even have that much bad taste.

This is a review of a book "The Infatuations" by Spanish writer Javier Marias.  Review says its awesome, I am interested in reading it.

I then found myself on Wikipedia looking at Palme d'Or, which is the highest award a filmmaker can get at Cannes.  This reminded me I've been meaning to watch The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, "Paris, Texas" Barton Fink, The Pianist, and Amour.  I would probably like many of the other movies on the list but these are ones I've been meaning to watch for a while.

Now I'm on Kickstarter, I've never been on the website before but I'm going to lose all my money.  x.x

Never Be A Girl Who Hates Other Girls (pls)

When I was younger it was easier to have girlfriends. Until boys entered the picture.  In elementary I had a few girlfriends that were what we in the 21st century call "besties."  Sarah Mollie and Bridgette.  Sarah was the best of the best and we both wore plaid pants in fifth grade.  When I moved to Mississippi girls didn't play pretend anymore and wore padded bras.  Makeup was worn.  Puberty sucks.  I had one girl friend that stuck with me until highschool, we fought but mainly drew Neopets and talked to boys on AIM.

In high school I had a different best friend who stopped being so close after Hurricane Katrina.  After Katrina, her boyfriend broke up with her because he liked me.  I didn't know what to do and didn't understand dating, so I said I'd date him and was very confused when my girlfriend was upset.  This was the beginning of the end.  He and I didn't last long and I broke up with him over text message.  It was somewhere around this time that I started wearing make up and styling my hair.  People started being nicer to me and I wasn't a "geek" "dork" or "lame" anymore.

Basically it went down like it went down for all girls, I only had guy friends and all my female friends weren't close.  Or maybe you had one close girlfriend but other than that girls were catty ass bitches who needed to be slapped.  Sometimes you'd have a chick friend for a while and you guys would both bond over not being like other girls and how much other girls sucked.  Then your relationship would combust in some passive aggressive explosion and you would never talk again.

It has something to do with girls finding all other girls to be competition, for what?  Everything I guess.  For guys attention.  ALL guys attention.  Every boy must like you and when they like another girl you get jealous and think that she must be prettier than you so you feel like shit and blame it on her.  But really, all she is doing is trying to look her best because she also feels like shit for thinking that she is not pretty enough.

In my 21 years of life I've realized that there is some sort of thing involving "the human condition" that makes all girls insecure and so that makes all girls hate each other as a result of their insecurities.  (I am no scientist)

I think a lot has to do with how we're kinda forced to measure our self worth via male attention.  Attractiveness is such a big factor to attraction and studies have shown that prettier people to get better jobs, more opportunities, etc.  Mix that with girls constantly being told they are not pretty enough with media and there you go.  We, females, are just insecure wrecks.

I too am an insecure wreck.

I read Cosmo and wear make up, I go tanning occasionally, try to wear cute outfits.  And I get jealous of prettier girls.  It happens.


I wonder if really it has to do because instinctively we, girls, feel the need to make babies and keep them safe in a secure environment,  preferably with a partner.  So finding a partner is crucial to our basic instinct.  For baby making and protection.  While guys want to spread their seed everywhere as much as possible.  So girls feel like they have to work very hard to find a man and keep her man because instinctively man will want to stray from this female to impregnate the next girl.

Basically we're all hopelessly fucked in my opinion and that's all bullshit.

There are a lot of mean ass "hoes" who have fucked me over in my life.  I have a great talent at pissing girls off and making them jealous or angry or just plain crazy.  But I'm not really mad at them because I don't know if it's really their fault.  Like, I know a lot of girls who have been sexually or emotionally or physically abused.

Or girls who never had a good Dad and are desperate to have a supportive boyfriend.  So on so forth.  So when guys talk about how girls are all crazy bitches they are kinda right, but there are reasons.

Girls just need love.  And I don't mean penises, just like.  You know, LOVE.  Romance, happiness, preferably bunnies in my opinion, or flowers.  It's past Valentine's Day but people should still be in love and happy and NICE.

I encourage all females to try to befriend a girl and be honest with her.  And never say shit like "I don't like girls"  Fuck you, you are a girl, other girls are just like you, so shut up.  (This is me being nice, lol) Maybe slightly less vulgar...
Do nice things for girlfriends like you would for any guy.  It's not a big deal if she doesn't do something nice too.  She's not walking all over you, I bet your dude friends don't reciprocate everything you do for them all the time.  So it's whatever.

And when you do hang out with girls, do more than just get fucked up.  I'm sure you do more than just get fucked up on the day to day right?  And if you don't, shame on you get a hobby.

***Note*** This post is honestly not aimed towards anyone.  I started it back in September and never finished it because I don't mean to be rude.  All my gal friends basically have done as I described and I have too.  So I'm not calling anyone out, or I'm calling everyone out.

**Another Note*** I have been sitting on this forever because I'm not completely happy with it, but I'm just going to post it.

Killing Time

Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish.







These are not my words.

My Sweet Prince

His full name was Prince Blizzard Lapin Bin Bin, he was born May 25, 2012 in Essex, Vermont. He died March 10th, 2013 in Burlington, Vermont. He was my baby boy. He was going to play with my children when I had them and he was going to be the ring bearer at my wedding. I love him.


At around 1:30am, Sunday morning, I was getting ready for bed. Like every night, I went to round up Blizzard to put him in his cage. He is a free range bunny who only is locked in his cage at night when I can't keep an eye or ear out for him. Blizzard was sitting behind the futon and when I picked him up he put up no fight at all. I also noticed he didn't eat his lettuce and carrots I had left out for him. I immediately got very worried and asked Buzz if we should go to the Emergency Vet. Buzz suggested maybe we wait until Monday morning to see how things go, but I was too panicky. We took a taxi to the Emergency Vet at around 2am and Blizzard was so cuddley. He nipped my arm at one point and pawed my arm, so I cuddled him and he was better. When they took his temperature, he was 105.7 degrees. As he and I cuddled he looked up at me and gave me kisses on my cheek. Blizzard never gives me kisses. Ever. As much as I enjoyed and was ecstatic to have him show me affection, he wasn't acting himself and I want him to go back to being the little rebellious punk who likes to be alone and only comes over if he wants something from you.

The vet inspected him and found nothing wrong. I thought he had compacted bowels but the vet said she could not feel any. She didn't seem very worried and gave us some antibiotics to give him for his very high fever. She also gave us Critical Care to give him. While she explained the directions for the medicine, Blizzard let me hold him in my arms and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

When we were leaving I had bank problems and had difficulties paying, Blizzard was in his carrier and I was fumbling with TD Bank to transfer funds into my Checking account. We took the taxi home and got in the door. Thunder came up to greet us as he always does, so I unzipped Blizzard's carrier so he could say hello to Thunder. But Blizzard was on his side with his eyes open.


I don't remember what happened exactly after, but Buzz tells me I immediately started screaming for Blizzard to wake up and that I love him. I called the Emergency Vet again and they said maybe if I brought him back in they could try to do something. So I called the taxi again. I went outside with my dead son, Blizzard, in my arms and sat on the ground crying with Buzz very loudly. It was about 4am by then.

I must have not made any sense to the taxi people on the phone because a taxi never came and eventually we went back inside.

I put Blizzard in a basket and we petted him until his feet turned cold and body got stiff. Thunder smelled him and tried to wrestle with him, he kept trying to play with Blizzard's body that we had to put Blizzard in the closet while Buzz and I tried to get some rest at 6am. Buzz went to work for me that morning and I tossed and turned in and out of sleep until Noon.

Buzz came home from work and we made cinnamon rolls, they didn't taste as good as I hoped they would. We had to figure out what to do with Blizzards body quickly before he started to smell or decompose. I decided that I wanted him cremated instead of buried and Buzz agreed to this.

We looked on the Internet for the best place to get him cremated and since they were all far away and we have no vehicle, I called the Emergency Vet and asked them if they knew of any places around Burlington. They said they can take Blizzard to get cremated through a place in New Hampshire called Forest Lake. The ashes come in a wooden box that has flowers engraved on it. I also plan to get a small rabbit urn necklace so I can keep some of him with me always.


He was not even 10 months old yet, he was a baby. My baby. Thunder is a cat, and he is a pet. But Blizzard was my baby. My son. I loved him so much. All of my time was dedicated to him. I was so cautious of his health needs but he died. I have rushed him to the vets a few times and they always said he was just fine. He didn't even show any signs until that night! Hours before his death. What was I supposed to do? I don't even know what he died from, I don't know what I did wrong. I thought I was so cautious with him. I bunny proofed our apartment the best I could but he may have had access to a few uncovered cords. Maybe it was the cat litter he liked to hang out in. Maybe in was Thunder playing to rough with him. Maybe I was too lazy about his safety, but I really thought I did my best. I played with him everyday. I gave him love and cheek rubs whenever he was near. I take a million photos of him and videos and he's all I talk about.

Despite this, he is dead and I don't know what to do with myself. I have so much time that was once spent being a bunny slave that I have nothing to do with. Buzz and I spent all of Sunday crying and today I only cried a little at work. The apartment feels horrible and cold and we haven't touched any of the bunny toys.

One good thing, to leave this on a positive note, I have always been afraid maybe Blizzard didn't like me. He was never affectionate and I could pet him for hours and he wouldn't give me the smallest kiss. He never laid down besides me, he'd only lay with Thunder. He was always to himself under the futon or the bed unless he wanted to be petted or fed. I have gotten depressed many times worried that he does not like me. But, before his death he cuddled with me and kissed me and was so affectionate that I now know he did love me.



"Good night sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!" - Hamlet, Act 5 Scene 2


Sorry for the shirtlessness in the following photos, but these are the last photos taken of Blizzard, on Friday March 8th.  I was getting ready to shower and I found Blizzard was more inclined to make contact with me when I wasn't wearing a shirt.  He must have liked my skin.

This was on Thursday when Blizzard and I sat around eating Kiwi.

This is Thunder saying goodbye to a dead Blizzard.

Before we took Blizzard to be cremated this was the last photos I took of him.

Rest in peace, my love.

2012, Reflections. 2013, Resolutions. And Other New Year Bullshit.

At the beginning of 2012 I was still living in the Emergency Homeless Shelter for youth.  I was excited because we got to stay up until 3:00 am playing some basket ball game on the Xbox.  For some reason I was really good at the game even though I had never played a sports video game before.  The people I was playing with were really cheering me on and impressed, it was cool because in shelter people aren't usually the nicest.  I had worked through the holidays and was tired.  When Buzz went home he gave me the keys to his apartment.  He knew things would be closed for holiday and all my friends went home to visit family.  I would have nowhere to go at 8:30 every morning.  That was when they kicked us out on the streets.

At the end of 2012 I stayed in my apartment reading comic books.  I didn't feel like going out and getting wasted to usher in the new year.  My girlfriends weren't stoked that I was staying home but that's what I wanted and sometimes it's so difficult when they want to hang out all the time. I really enjoy my alone time.  

Alone time, that is something I have achieved in the last year. Along with many other things.  This has been the best year in my life.  2012 was an amazing time.  I started the year with goals involving my first semester at the University of Vermont.  I also was waiting to get into government subsidized housing. I started the year doing both. Both didn't work out.  University of Vermont gave me out of state residency and charged me so much I could not cover the tuition in loans. Because I could not cover the tuition, they wanted me to start paying immediately.  So I left school due to stress trying to figure out how to pay all of that money. That didn't stop me from taking tap dance classes though, my first dance class.  I started working at COTS full time for a temporary position.  The government subsidized housing was a program through the homeless shelter that I lived in, there were rules.  I had to be home by ten, had chores I had to do, and no guests.   Like all government housing, my rent was 30%, but I made so much money at the time 30% was $530!!  I could just get my own apartment, and so I did. I also happened to get a smart phone. David started talking to me again and bought me an iPhone 4S. We started talking more regularly, the beginning of getting my brother back. :D.  I moved out the restrictive housing and stayed with Buzz until June apartments opened up.  It was the first time I was free in nine months! No curfew! No assigned chores! And no living with at least 5 other people, and homeless kids at that.

Living with Buzz was fun though we didn't care for that apartment too much and had limited things.  We had a tv and a bed, and a PS3 that I bought him.  Of course I had my mountain of books, clothes, and cassettes but those are extra.  We had two plates and two bowls.  Our frying pan was the former person who lived there's and was very beaten up.  I worked hard finding an apartment and found this cute little thing downtown.  I could have pets and there was a full bathtub, the main things I wanted.  Plus, all the walls are bright colors! Bathroom is a nice pastel purple, it was the cherry on tiop.

Before I moved in though, I saw my family for the first time since I moved back to Vermont.  I wasn't fucked up anymore with depression and drugs.  The trip was amazing I that I saw my little brothers who are my pride and joy.  I even briefly saw my niece Emma Leigh.  She is just wonderful.   The only problem with the trip is that besides the children, everyone is fucked up.  I never really noticed how bad it was, no I did but I maybe I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to care.  It hurt to see my family suffer money problems and stress issues and relationship grief and broken dreams, I want them to be happy!  None the less the trip was a good idea and it was nice to go on a vacation.  The pictures are here.

When we moved in to our new apartment, we didn't have a table or chairs, or any house stuff really.  Buzz and I spent most of out time the first two months just getting things for the place, like grown up things. Futon and a fancy coffee table. Table mats, rice cooker, coasters, home things. I lost my full time position at COTS but they took me on as a permanent part time, I was grateful for that and it didn't bother me, I just looked for a second job. The summer went by and in July I decided I wanted a pet, because I was lonely went I was in the apartment alone and not used to having no one around. That's when I got Blizzard. If you know anything about me or have even glanced at my blog you'd realize my rabbit is half of my life. My other half is coming up...

Shortly after bunny, I broke up with Buzz. That was a downer but liberating all the same. then, I turned 21. My birthday was depressing. Bar were fun at first and still are in moderation, but I was down about Buzz. Though, life goes on and I got asked to be permanent full time at COTS working with contracts too.

In September David moved up to Vermont. It was something that I had been wanting for a while. The south was ruining him and he lost his job. I hadn't had him as a friend in years and finally we could hang out again! I got him to doctors, got him to the dentists, got him on antidepressants! He is doing great, he seems happy now. Happiest I've seen him in a long time and I am glad to be a part of it.

October I decided to get a cat. I wanted a kitten while Blizzard was young too. So I got the other half of my heart, Thunder. When holiday time came I dress them in Santa outfits. It was the first Christmas I could spend lots of money on my family. It felt nice. I need to get my dad a beer brewing kit, I haven't ordered it yet though unfortunately. I hope he uses it. Me and my step dad, whom I call Dad, have become very close and it's nice to have a good relationship with one of my parents. I've never had a good relationship with Mom or my biological father, but me and Dad call each other fairly often and it's always nice. I've been trying to encourage him to get a job up here because I think it would cheer him up and he'd make more money. I got Christopher, the youngest brother, a violin, and Petey a DS Lite. I hope they both like them. It feels nice to actually be able to give them stuff without them worrying about money. When I was their age I was always worried around Christmas because I knew our family couldn't afford it, I don't want them to worry about money ever again.

Now, it is 2013. I can only move forward, so here are my resolutions:

Read 22 books
Speak French on a conversational level
Improve guitar skills
Improve bass skills
Improve ukulele skills, memorize ukulele chords
Learn some violin
Lose 10 pounds
Get under eye plastic surgery
Get on a good amount of ADD medication
Go back to college
Keep Thunder and Blizzard alive
Set up payment on Mom's parent plus loan
Get rabbit tattoo
Cut back on smoking
Help David get custody of Emma Leigh
Learn how to text in Japanese


That's what I have so far. I've already made th consultation for my plastic surgery and memorized about half of the hiragana. Thunder got his last shots today. I got switched to Adderall, and I'm pretty happy. And it's only four days into the new year!!!


Hope everyone else's is starting off as good. ;D

In The Defense Of Stimulants

Yesterday I was prescribed Ritalin.  It was a long process and confusing.  I went to the doctors three days in a row until they prescribed it.

I went first because my Wellbutrin does not work anymore.  I've been on it for a year and a half, up to 400 mgs.  When I first started taking it the pills worked well.  I got out of my depression, I started going to college, got a job, housed, got some pets.  It worked for a while - but now it does not.  So I went in the doctor's with the idea that I wanted stimulants.

But we're not supposed to say that, right?  If we say that, we wont get them because we just want to abuse them, right?

So I went through the rigmarole of various screenings.  Actually, I was honest with every answer.  According to their little screening I am ADD, I even have some Hyperactivity in me too.  Of course they screened me for other things - I passed those tests too.  I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD according to their tests.

But I just wanted stimulants, don't give me beta-blockers to help me sleep.  I don't have energy as it is.  So, I sat down with my doctor and she wanted to put me on a non-stimulant that helps focus.  But it is more expensive so I got on Methylin, a cheap generic Ritalin.

But now I feel so bad, the whole time I was there it was like the doctors knew I wanted stimulants, and that is bad.  Personally I don't think it is bad.  And it is true that I do not focus well.  I hope stimulants work for me because when I have abused them I was focused and up an at em.  Though, I read that it helps everyone focus.  Kids take them in school to get better grades.  I read this NY Times article where they were talking about the horrors of kids abusing Adderall to get into good colleges.  LOL since when are people complaining about kids taking the initiative to get better grades and get into good schools?  People complain about drugs and alcohol because they hinder people's ability to function.  Stimulants enhance, they don't hinder.  They help EVERYONE focus, so if kids use them to enhance their study sessions it's the end of the world?  They find other things to help them stay up all night before a test.  Coffee, energy pills, energy drinks.  But those aren't frown upon because we can't get addicted to them.  Oh wait.  We can.

An addict is an addict, even if you take their drug of choice away, they'll find something else.

Don't get me wrong, there are some bad things that come with stimulants, tweaking and crashing.  But should I feel like a damn criminal when I go into the doctor's and want ADD meds?  I bet if I asked to get on anti-depressants they'd be fine with that.  Doctors have no qualms handing out anti-depressants.  They make you numb though, not happy.  You can't really abuse Zoloft.

So when we started talking about getting me on ADD medication the conversation was awkward due to the elephant in the room.  The elephant being "No, even though I am a young adult in the lower middle class, I don't want to abuse these or sell them"  But I can't say that, she'll think I'm lying.

Not enough people who need stimulants are getting them because they can be abused.  Because our society has decided that Adderall is bad, unlike say Xanax or Loratabs (that Doctors hand out more freely).  When someone wants to get on them, it is bad.  We have to wait for the doctor to make up their mind with what they think you need, and there is no conversation.  We have little say in the mental medications we consume.

Here are some complimatary photos of myself and stuff.

Defending Generation Y Half-Heartily (Of Course), Sorry For Stupidity

I read an article just now on the "cool" of my generation.  I thought I would write a little bit about it and incorporate something else that I wanted to say as well.  The article tells us that irony is the ethos of the day, and that the hipster in the archetype of Generation Y, or Millennials.  It's interesting to think that I am part of a Generation now.  When I was fifteen I read Generation X by Douglas Coupland (along with most of his other books) and thought it was so cool.  Getting away from the world to live out in no where and drink Zima.  Now, that's me.  Except, I got away from the world by moving to Burlington, VT (a little Portland, Oregon really) and instead of drinking Zima it's microbrews.

So the article talked about the different ways that we are ironic, wearing silly clothes and liking old things, even taking new things and making them old - Instagram.  All this being instant nostalgia and ironic- a defense mechanism we use, I guess.  If we insult ourselves no one can do it for us.  So the hipster is a rebirth of the cool beatnik with a dorky self awareness that yeah, we're played out.  I guess, interesting, I guess.

I then read an article about someone who read the article (blog-ception) and who talked about how unimportant it is to talk about it.  I think this article is kinda funny because isn't it the hip that initially love making fun of the hip and then eventually find talking about the hip to be overdone so they hate talking about the hip?  Actually I don't know either, "cool" is so difficult.

Oh yeah the articles are right here:

How to Live Without Irony

New York Times Explores Hipster Irony

Anyways, my only comment I wanted to add is the lameness of original article to start talking about their generation.  Said Generation X.  The 90s who "actively did not care."  Feminism, Berlin Wall, racial issues, all of these were at the forefront back then and after Y2K everything went to shit.  Funny, I love the 90s- if I could live in any year it would be 1994.  Mainly due to music but yeah, I kinda jam on that slacker style.  But to try to fool yourselves - Generation X - that you were better than us, is such shit.  My main reason?  Because the previous generation fucked us over.

It's not completely your guys fault though.  You had the traditional Baby Boomers to raise you with morals and a organized rebellious hippie flair.  Then you guys listened to too much Nirvana and Jerry Springer was invented and now everyone I know is from broken homes and takes a lot of mediation.  I'm glad "stay together for the kids" is not the mentality anymore but you need to sympathize with the difficulty of split parents.  I dealt with it well but i know many people who were really hurt when the parents broke up.  Drugs are also something I feel is new in the parents bonding world.  I know a lot of people who get fucked up with their parents.  That's weird, right?

Technology is also a big deal.  People say we are technologically dependent   Yeah it is, because it basically raised us.  Sesame and School House Rock, Bill Nye were our biggest teachers.  A lot of us grew up looking at screens.  And what's on these screens impact us too.  Sex and violence.  So we are desensitized tech junkies and have access to too much information and porn via internet.  That can fuck with some heads don't you think?  So we like the idea of the past and our more innocent childhoods, and are all insecure, and have a handful of diagnosis by age 16.  I can name 5 girls of the top of my head who have been diagnosed bi-polar.  And I didn't even have to look at my friends list on Fasbuk for think of them.

There are actually a bunch of reasons Generation Y is fucked up but I'm not writing a damn thesis.  I did want to use that to be my excuse for the poor writing in my first blog entries when I made this blog.  I sound dumb and said "lol" too much.  That is not me, I read too many books to sound like that.  But, I was worried people would find my blog and I didn't really want to be too much of myself so I thought if I sounded dumber it would be more widely acceptable.  I believe on my very first post I mention that I was defensive about it.  But now I am not really, and I just want to write.  I can't write well, and I don't know how to be too creative when I'm drugged up on so many anti-depressants, but I want to write.   I hope I can write a little more respectively than "lol."

Now I will put photos I have recently taken with my iPhone because, I am self-absorbed.  These will include: me drinking pink champagne, my brother in American Apparel, my new record, and a bento I made yesterday.

I'm Dramatically Sad, This Is My Angst Blog And Dawson's Creek

Everyone is leaving me.

Buzz is finally moving out of the apartment on the 27th.  This give me ten days to prepare for his departure.  It sucks and I will miss him.  I know living with your ex boyfriend is not ideal and kinda stressful at times, but I still love Buzz and will miss him.  David also isn't here very much.  He is staying in New York with our biological father to do construction work and play Halo.  -.- Stupid.  I don't really know what to think... beyond.. "I should do the dishes and get up but I doubt I will and I want to cry."

I don't want to live alone.  I've never lived alone.  I can't do it.  I'm a fragile baby damn it!  I will have no one....  Loneliness and sorrow.

Okay I put on Dawson's Creek I hope this makes me feel better.

I Can't Cook, I Like Bentos, And My Babies Have No Balls

I wish I knew how to cook.  If it's not from a box I'm fucked.

Yesterday a co-worker came in eating her homemade sourdough bread with homemade goat milk cream cheese and avocado   These people from Vermont I swear, lol.  They make me feel so bad.  She said sometimes she eats bad food.  Pasta is bad food according to her.  What the fuck just kill me now.  All we eat is white rice and pasta in my house with tofu seitan vegan sausage or other stuff on it.  I'm supposed to eat brown rice and ... tears I guess.  I got quinoa because that is better for you I guess.  Either way, we had tacos last night.  But with lettuce and salsa.  Those are veggies right?  lol  

What I really want to do is make cute bento.  Because they are just so cute.  Happylittlebento is a great blog for that.  I love looking at all the amazing bento she makes for her kids!  I tried to make a bento, it turned out like this:

              

In this I made an omelete to eat with rice.  a gluten free waffle with cashew butter, and grilled onions and tofu with pesto.  It's not amazing of cute, but I'm trying!!!

In other news, my babies got neutered last Thursday.  My babies got no balls.  I have been trying to find ways to cheer them up though.  Been giving Blizzard lots of veggies and Thunder, well, he seems unfazed about not having balls.  Blizzard is still pooing everywhere though, and spraying.  :(  I paid so much money to get him neutered so he wouldn't mark his territory but he is so damn insecure.  He's lucky he is cute.  

iPad, 3rd Generation, Is Somehow Related To Why I Hate Fat People And Why Michael Stipe Hurts.

Well hello new iPad!!

My brother David brought me the new iPad! 3rd gen.  But then the day after he paid for it, Apple released the newest one. Wtf. Cannot afford to keep up with Apple. Assholes.  I do like that I can type on the iPad like a regular keyboard but I plan on buying a wireless keyboard later.  Right now I'm just hoping I can afford everything I need to pay for this pay period

Probably not.  I hate when I don't have any money.  I only get paid every two weeks and by the second week I'm lacking all the money.  Food just isn't a possibility after a while.

On that note, wtf with weight.  I've gained a bit right? As I complain about on the frequent, but then I'm like down five pounds. Ten up three. Today I'm like seven pounds less then I supposedly have been in a year. I just bought a scale though so maybe that is why.  Before I would just weight myself at the doctors or in the changing room of the gym.  Now I weigh myself everyday and record it.

Reminds me to not be a fatass.  I think that is important.  I hate fat people and don't want to be in their club.

And before anyone gets all angry about how rude that is and how much fat people get teased and their poor precious self esteems, let me just say fuck you.  Fat people are fat because they eat too much  it's your own damn fault so don't be an asshole.  Fat people are some of the most rude mother fuckers. Bitching all the time in between all them Whoppers they shove in their mouths.

I remember I used to go shopping for clothes with some of my bigger friends and it was the most
miserable shopping experience in my life.  I'd rather Black Friday over shopping with fatties any day.   We would try on clothes and I was small in high school. Around 103-110. So these girls would just insult me all the time about how I was a skinny bitch and all the good dresses were only in small sizes.

Bitch, few things:

First of all, it ain't my problem you are fat and it ain't my fault.  I know you don't really hate skinny people since you read all those Cosmo magazines and love celebrity gossip, you are just jealous and this is a coping mechanism.  But, it is a shitty coping mechanism and you should learn to love
yourself without having to hate others. Or, just put the damn Whoppers down.

Second, I was not always a "skinny bitch" and worked hard to maintain that (not even skinny anymore) I was chubby in grade school and teased. My mom always gave me shit on my chubby tummy so I got into just not eating or throwing up or whatever and have always been stressed about weight since.

Third, I know my second point is not a healthy thing. I'm just saying, everybody hurts, everybody cries.

Fourth, I got a fucking iPad and leopard iPhone.  Check it.

College Sux

This is a letter I wrote to the University of Vermont to medically appeal my bill.  To anyone thinking of going to college: unless you got scholarships (which really only happen if you at going to stay In-State) or you got rich parents, forget it.  I suggest waiting for America getting some damn money first because everyone I know is in a lot of debt with jobs that don't really utilize their expensive degrees.

Wanna learn?  Me too, go to the library.  Or use the internet for something other than social networking.  (lol Says Kim of her BLOG.)


To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Kimberly Rabideau, I attended the University of Vermont in the spring semester of 2012 until I had to leave due to a medical withdraw.  I would like to take this time to explain why I went to UVM, and why I left. Like most stories of hardship, mine is complicated - so I will go about this in a chronological order.  I moved to Vermont in January of 2010 to attend Burlington College.  I came to Vermont from Mississippi with $200 and optimism.  I was a full time student while I worked three jobs as well in order to support myself.  This was a very stressful time, because I come from a poor family money is a big trigger of stress for me.  Gradually I became more self-destructive and would have fits of panic attacks where I would hit my head against things, or scratch myself.  In mid-November of 2010 I had to take a medical withdraw from Burlington College after staying a week in Fletcher Allen's Psych Ward.  Because I did not work that week I was in the hospital I could not afford my apartment and had to leave.  I went to Mississippi hoping to find help in my family, I did not. I returned to Burlington, VT because I had no where to go, and was homeless for sometime.  In September of 2011, I began staying at the Spectrum Youth and Family Services' Emergency Shelter.  I attended classes at Community College of Vermont and found a new job at Committee of Temporary Shelter.  I finished my 2nd year in college at CCV and worked with my Spectrum Case Manager Nicki S******* on applying to University of Vermont under the assumption that I was a Vermont resident.  CCV had given me In-State tuition, and VSAC gave me a Vermont resident loan.  I began attending classes at the University of Vermont in January of 2013.  I was staying at the Emergency Shelter and working full-time at COTS while I did this.  My schedule was very difficult, but I preserveered.  I was informed I was given out of state tuition shortly after classes started and appealed it.  I worked with my Spectrum Shelter Manager, Sarah ***, to fill out the paper work to appeal.  My support team and I called the registrar office and asked about the residency status.  We told them the situation and they assured us I would get in state tuition..  During the spring break of the Spring 2013 semester I recieved a letter stating I did not receive in state tuition.  This was devastating to me because I know I cannot afford out of state tuition, I have no co-signer for personal loans and I didn't even have housing, how could I afford such a bill? At this point I began to get very stressed out and self-harming and panic attacks began getting worse.  These issues escalated and so I never returned to UVM because I knew it would only get worse and it seemed like I was on track to the psych ward and for my own personal health, I had to leave.

Emo Interruption

I have not written a blog in over a week and I do not mean to be so lazy about it because I surely do have time.  I'm just spending all of that time playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced 2.  I broke up with my boyfriend so I'm going to blame that as the reason why I have been doing nothing but video games.

I have spent 16 months trying to be the girlfriend this guy wanted.  He always felt I wasn't good enough.  Turns out he has complained about me to his friends and even called me a slut.

But time to move the fuck on.  Went dancing two nights ago for the first time in so long.  It was awesome!  So I'll be writing better blogs now, sorry for my emo laziness lol

Today I Get Into Politics.

I, like ever early twenty America, don't care about politics.  Unless we're talking about the extreme conservative or hippie 20 year olds, to which are just spewing the shit they heard from their parents growing up, or in a Grateful Dead song, or better yet Fox News.

I honestly only heard about Obamacare yesterday from my boyfriend.  I have Medicaid and I'm basically set.  But wait, what?  Something kinda like universal health care?  Sounds good to me.  Because I am poor.  If I can get healthcare then yes, let's.

But I see that so many, and I mean MANY, are against it. All the news is describing it as "controversial requirement that all Americans purchase health-care coverage of pay a penalty"  What a negative way to put it.  How about Obamacare "gives basic healthcare to 30,000 more Americans."  or "makes people start giving a fuck about themselves and others."  Even a republican in the Supreme Court voted to uphold it.  And that was the deciding vote.  So many republicans got all butt-hurt and pissed at him.  Even calling him a traitor.  I feel like so many people just pick a side and stick with it no matter what they believe.  Republicans always have to vote the same conservative side and Democrats the liberal side.  This guy, John Roberts, followed what he truly believed.  No matter what side he was on.  If more people actually thought for themselves and was objective about all these issues I bet the people would be more happy.  Politicians just want to WIN, they have these huge egos and to win must oppose the other side with all they got.

And Obama is holding interest rates on student loans.  Thank fucking GAWD.  I have so many loans and no degree- ran out of money that I never had before I could get a BA.  I have a good job but I still struggle.  Why is it that it is so hard to move up in this country?  Shit like student loans, and other stuff I GUESS.  But I'm talking about student loans man because this country just isn't helping kids get degrees.  With this economy you're going to need a degree if you want a job you can live off of.

“College education is one of the best investments America can make for our future,” Obama said in Chapel Hill. “This is important for all of us. We can’t price most Americans out of a college education. We can’t make higher education a luxury. It’s an economic imperative. Every American should be able to afford it. So that’s why I’m here.”


THANK YOU OBAMA THAT'S WHAT I'M SCREAMING.




I guess I'm done with this blog for now, going to work on my Batman review that will be blogged soon.  


Now pics.