Fuck the Haters

I do not understand the "Hater" culture.  So often people have statuses on Fasbuk, of pictures with text saying "Fuck the Haters" or "Fuk the H8rs." What Haters?  You work at Subway, you are close with your family, you have a small but tight group of friends, and you probably are crazy about Dr. Who - please tell me where you found these "Haters" because I'm pretty sure no one gives a fuck about your life.  There is this whole culture that derives from our internet usage, where people need everyone to know they don't care about their "haters."

I thought haters were silly and I scoffed but then I realized I had haters.

Haters in fact, on my BLOG.
My little blog where I write about silly stuff.  Seriously, I write about my rabbits and cute phone apps- and I have haters.

There are people that have never met me, and do not know me, that stalk my blog and talk shit about me.

Luckily I have readers that are friends, family, and even people I don't know who tell me they like reading my blog and I get sweet emails.  It's for that stuff that I keep having a blog.  So many people in my life are scattered all over America, and here is a site where they can be updated on me or whatever I feel like talking about.   I even have a pretty solid reading base over in Asia, how cool is that?

Nonetheless, some people out there wanna hate on my harmless blog, unfortunately it's usually girls and it's usually girlfriends of my ex boyfriends.  How sad, right?  I've been told there are girls who get angry just at my name coming up in conversation.  These "haters" talk shit about my appearance, my weight, my family, etc.  I like to remain open and honest in my writing, but just because I'm willing to be vulnerable doesn't mean I will let myself be hurt by the cruel words of haters.

What really bothers me is a hater talked shit about this video.

This is a video from 2012 where I took Blizzard to the park in his pink angel harness.  Buzz filmed it, an in it Blizz explores the outside and hops around and I giggle like an idiot.  Yes I admit I sound dumb in this video, but I am okay with that.  Why?  Because I am fucking happy in this video.  I love this video and I love this memory.  I love that rabbit more than most things in this world and he is dead now, this is one of the best videos I have of him.

Yet, some hater talked shit about how stupid I sound and couldn't believe someone would date me.  Why?  Because I'm a dork who loves bunnies and I giggle in a park?  You're right, I'm so not girlfriend material.

It doesn't even make sense, like if you are going to insult me at least have good points.  Like this post where I look like a serial killer and talk about how self conscious I am.  Or that I was homeless for a year and had really short dykey hair.  Or that I dance really silly and sometimes I forget to wear deodorant.

Just don't insult my babies.  Don't insult my bunnies.  Don't insult my Blizzard.

I wish I could talk shit about the various girls that have caused me pain.  My haters.  I've had many over the years.  Most notably would be my Arch Nemesis, Tori Weaver.  But I don't even want to insult her.  She just got out of jail and seems to be doing well.  She messaged me and wants to make amends.  This time I think she is being genuine about it.

All of my haters are all just girls that are insecure about me.  I've already talked about Girl on Girl Hate so I will try not to be redundant. But, I understand why they do the things they do.  I just don't understand why to the extent.  I've had girls steal boyfriends, friends, even family for a little while, from me.  I've had girls share naked pictures of me to my grandparents and all my Fasbuk friends.  I've had girls get me kicked out of where I was living, and steal clothes/money/drugs/etc. from me.

And now I've had girls talk shit about me being happy with my pet bunny.

Really, haters?  You can't do better than that?

I'm not really asking for a challenge.  But I will say that I will not tolerate anyone talking shit about Blizzard.  Like a samurai, I must protect the honor of my family and I.  If anyone dishonors my family again, I will scalp them like Beatrix Kiddo did Orishi Ren.

I will now end this post with photos of selfies and bunnies.  Because I love me, and I love my babies.  This is my blog to share what I want.  So yeah, fuck the haters.

Daily Facial Skin Care Treatment

I have really good skin.  Really, my face is pretty good.  I have better skin now than when I was younger.  Behold, very rare photos of me without make up.

I like to spend more money on skin care than makeup.  My thought process is, I would rather take care of my body then it get uglier and I have to buy more makeup to cover it up.  Some people are born with great skin and I am not one of them.  The dark circles under my eyes isn't anything I can fix.  I already got the hallows of my eyes filled in with injection fillers but the discoloration is still there.  Considering how bad my face could be, I'm doing a good job.  No acne, usually, minor blemishes, and super soft.  My cheeks feel like a baby's butt I swear.  

So I thought I would share my facial skin care daily routine.  I do this EVERYDAY because I am dedicated to someday being homecoming queen.  

Morning:

Step 1 - The Body Shop Aloe Gentle Facial Wash  

Step 2 - Shiseido Benefiance WrinkleResist24 Day Cream  SPF 15

I just want to mention here the SPF.  I used to never want to have SPF because I am so pale I need some color!  Until I realized sun makes your skin lose elasticity.  I don't want any jowls and saggy boobs when I'm older so I have learned to embrace my porcelain skin.  

Step 3 - Shiseido Benefiance WrinkleResist24 Eye Cream 

 That little spatula there is to get the cream out of the jar without putting your germy fingers in it, genius I know.

After all this I only put on a power foundation, since my skin feels so good I don't want to ruin it with liquid foundation.  I can never get liquid foundation to ever match my skin tone anyways so I always get my face a totally different tone than the rest of my body.  Be looking like Joker.

Evening:

Step 1 - Proactive Renewal Cleanser

I know Proactive says to use their stuff in the morning and the evening, but that dried out my skin too much.  

Step 2 - Proactive Revitalizing Toner 

I only use toner every other day so my skin doesn't get dry patches.

Step 3 - Proactive Repairing Treatment

Step 4 - Josie Maran 100% Pure Argan Oil

This one was a game changer, my face is so much softer since I've been putting this on my face before bed.

Step 5 - Glam Glow YouthMud

This is a mask I only use once a week.  Proactive has a face mask, but I don't use it because I like this one way more!

Step 6 - Shiseido Benefiance WrinkleResist24 Eye Cream 

I put this one on morning and night because I don't want crows feet.  

After all of this is done then I can finally go to sleep.  Even nights I go out drinking, I will drunkenly pamper my face before I pass out.  And then wake up sad I dehydrated my skin so much.  Remember, water is the best thing you can give you face.  

Step 7 - Hydrate! 

Resolutions

Welcome to 2014.  Are you ready?  Let's hope it is a good year.  2013 was a very full year.  Let's see how I did with my resolutions.  

Read 22 books

Nope, didn't accomplish this but it is a good goal and I tried. 

1. Animals in Translation 

2. The Dance of Anger 

3. Healing Sex (reading)

4. Different Seasons (reading)

5. Mockingjay 

6. Peter Pan 

7. The Secret 

8. Science Fiction shorts (reading)

9. Promiscuities (reading)

10. Wither 

11. Great Expectations (reading)

12. Tom Sawyer 

13. Children of the Mind (reading)

14. 50 Shades of Grey 

15. Yellow Wallpaper

16. House of Leaves 

17. The Bad Seed

18. The Gum Theif (reading) 

19. Etiquette (reading)

Speak French on a conversational level

Well I've been using the Doulingo application for a little while.  Je suis une mouche. That is a sentence I learned today.  I am a fly.  So if I ever end up in France, and become a fly, then yes I can converse. 

Improve guitar skills

Not sure if I really did this, though I played a little.  Guitar is just a hobby. 

Improve bass skills

Same can be said for the bass guitar. 

Improve ukulele skills, memorize ukulele chords

I have learned some more ukulele, I have memorized chords, and I played it more than guitar.  Because it is easier and I am lazy about playing music. It is just a hobby.  

Learn some violin

Look, me and the violin don't get along well.  

Lose 10 pounds

Lost 20 pounds actually. 

Get under eye surgery 

I sure did. 

Get on a good amount of ADD medication

Yep, 15 mgs of Adderal, and no I won't sell it to you.  Please stop asking. 

Go back to college

I did this and got my Associates!

Keep Thunder and Blizzard alive

I half did this.  Blizzard is dead (as I have mentioned 1000 times before) but Thunder is still kicking. 

Set up payment on Mom's parent plus loan

Nope, didn't do this.  But Mom is filing bankruptcy and said not to worry about it.  

Get rabbit tattoo

I got my tattoo! It looks great. 

Cut back on smoking

I sure have! Only about 1-3 cigarettes a day. 

Help David get custody of Emma Leigh

This one isn't really my fault.  I tried but it's more David's thing than mine. 

Learn how to text in Japanese

I didn't do this because I found it minor and wanted to work on other projects. 

So, goal wise I did okay.  Here are my 2014 New Years Resolutions.

Keep Thunder, Leopold Stokowski, and Penelope alive. 

 Preferably keep Howdy, my hamster, alive as well.  But, his brother, Robert Brown Butt, just died last night.  So, I'm weary.  But I hear Howdy running in his wheel right now.  He's a great ham.  :D 

Get a good paying job. 

I need a new job and it's kind of exciting because where I was working before I was barely making it.  Now, I can aspire to make money to live comfortably!  I wanna make like $20 an hour.  So I'm looking for a real good job, doing something I enjoy.  

Do yoga 5 days a week

I really enjoy the yoga I do, and I better keep it up!

Blog once a week

I know, This is ambitious.  Resolutions are supposed to be ambitious.  So, blog once a week.  Yep.

Write 1000 words 5 days a week.

Whether I'm writing a blog post, or working on my story (today I've done both) I want to write at least 1000 words.  I've reach ed my quota for today.  Just need to keep it up!

Maintain a weight of 110-115 pounds.

I don't want to get sickly skinny, but I like being a smaller size.

Read 15 book.

I used to try to read my age in books, I started this when I was 15.  For the last seven years I've kept this goal but as I get older I have to read more books and have less time to do it.  I don't want to set myself up to fail.  So, 15 books will be my standard yearly goal.  Last year I only finished 11, though I am in the process of reading a bunch more, so 15 is a good goal I believe.   

Go to Venice. 

I Kickstarted a book called A Rabbits Guide To Venice.  When I got it Buzz agreed to go with me to Venice sometime in early August — between both of our birthdays.  I look forward to this because I have never been to Europe and i don't want to put it off any longer.

Foster and adopt out 2 rabbits.

Sometimes it is hard to get a bun bun adopted.  But, 2 is a good goal. If the rabbits aren't cute they are harder to adopt out — which is stupid — but I'm sure there are good people out there who would adopt a white red eye bunny.  

Polish up my documentary for House Rabbit Network.

I went to Massacucettes to film a documentary about HRN for my film class.  HRN would like to have a copy to use as an informative tool, but I want to improve it first.  I've only taken 1 intro to filmmaking class, but I want to do the best I can.

Figure out where I am going to live in June. 

When this lease is up in June I'm not sure where I should live.  David wants to move back to Mississippi so I need to find a roommate or move elsewhere or something.  I got 5 months to figure it out.  

Practice French for 10 minutes everyday.

Woo Doulingo!

Practice fine art once a week

Painting, drawing, whatever.  Just make art.

Make a comic four times a week.

My Dystopian Nuclear Holocaust has been lacking because I needed a stylus, but I bought one today so let's hope I keep with it.

I guess that is good for now.  I have other things I want, you know, find a significant other, go to some fly (mouche) concerts, get my Blizzard tattoo, rock and roll, stuff like that.  But I always have wants for love, music, and body modifications.

Happy New Year I hope we all have a great year! 

Speaking For The Dead

Today in the last day of 2013.  I would like to start talking about my old New Year resolutions and what new ones I have for 2014, but I can't do that yet.  2013 was a hell of a year.  It was a damn hard year and a lot of people died. I want to give a moment to acknowledge everyone I know who has died in 2013. 

Prince Blizzard Lapin Bin Bin (Died at 10 months old on March 10th, 2013)

I have blogged about the death of my baby boy already.  On March 10th, 2013 my precious Blizzard left us for the rainbow bridge.  This tore me up.  I have not had a day since that I do not think of him.  He is everywhere to me.  Around my neck, in a box on my bookshelf, on the wall of the bunny room, in the eyes of his brother Thunder, in my heart.  Blizzard, I know you aren't into blogging so I doubt you are reading this from Heaven, but baby I love you so much and I miss you everyday.  I still cry over you, and I still brag about you whenever I can.  You mean the world to me, Blizzy.  I hope you are binkying to your hearts content up there in the clouds.

Jacob Powell (Died at 24 years old on May 1st, 2013)

2 months after Blizzard died, my ex boyfriend Jacob Powell died.  He wasn't exactly my boyfriend, but he took me out on dates and did boyfriend/girlfriend things.  He was my brother's friend.   I met him at an open mic I had at my house.  He brought wine and was rude to me.  I later thanked him for coming and he invited me to Waffle House.  We spent hours everyday at Waffle House, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and arguing.    We would argue about music, movies, books, Walt Disney, economics, morals, politics, psychology, everything.  All we did was argue and it was so fun.  Once he called me and told me to get dressed, he was picking me up.  We drove for a while, but he wouldn't tell me where we were going.  Eventually wearrived at The Mellow Mushroom in Ocean Springs.  One of my favorite pizza joints that I hadn't been to in years.  I mentioned the restaurant briefly to him once and he remembered.  

He would do sweet stuff like that but always wanted to act real cool.  He played guitar with my brother, and got along well with my parents and little brothers.  He was a good man. He had a baby with wonderful woman named Jennifer.  His daughter's name in Finn.  She is a beautiful baby.  Jacob died in the hospital, where he was getting a risky surgery done in hopes of living a healthier life with Finn.  Jacob, you are a strong man to risk your life for that surgury.  Your daughter is growing up well, I stalk her pictures and she is beautiful!  Thank you for being my friend in a time when I had no one.  Maybe you are too cool for school, but you were good to me.  Thank you.  I remember one time you told me you loved me, I love you too Jacob.  I know you are an atheist, but if there is an afterlife, I hope it is treating you well.  

Khiry Thomas (Died at 22 years old on April 29th, 2013)

Around Jacob's death, my classmate from high school took his life after trying to take the life of his own son.  Khiry Thomas, I don't know what you went through.  You were such a funny guy in class.  You were in the excellerated English classes with me and I remember you were so intelligent though you would try to hide it.  You would act tough or goofy but you would have moments of profoundness.  I don't know why you did what you did, but Khiry, I know you are in the Lord's hands.  I hope you have found the peace and the answers you were looking for when you pulled that trigger.   

Casey Boman  (Died at 23 years old on August 8th, 2013.)

Casey Boman was the brother of my Uncle Donnie.  He was a musician in Louisiana that was pretty well known, for good reason— his music was good.  He came to Christmas at my house once when I was 17.  I remember my brother and I being intimidated that THE Casey Boman was coming to our house for Christmas.  He was actually a sweetheart and we drove around town trying to find something to do on Christmas Day in a small Mississippi town.  He had a baby before he left, but over dosed in Texas.  Casey, I am so sorry this has happened to you.  You had a rough life, but I hope you have found the peace you deserve.

Peter Henry van Erp Senior (Died at age 87 on November 18th, 2013)

My grandfather died.  Peter Henry van Erp Senior, who was from the Netherlands.  My memories of him always included him yelling at me in a thick Dutch accent for doing something silly.  My grandpa was an amazing chef, and I've had the pleasure of eating his delicious food.  My father got to see him before he left, I am very happy for this because my father loves him a lot.  From the stories I've heard, Grandpa had a full life.  I love you Grandpa, I hope you are resting in peace.

2013 took too many lives away.  I don't have much to say other than I love y'all and you are not forgotten.  

Achieved Associates

I am done getting an Associates!  I am so happy about it.  I have been trying to put myself through college for 4 years, on and off.  Now I finally have something to show for it!  I took 3 classes this semester.  They were all art related classes and that demanded a lot from me in terms of creativeness.  I was also working full time when I was taking these classes, so I was a busy bee this past semester.

This semester I learned that I am not as academically competitive as I used to be back in high school.  Where I used to be an A student in the National Honor Roll Society back at Bay High School, I'm not stressed out about poor test grades anymore.  I more interested in actually learning and being able to apply what I learn.  I got an A-, C-, and B in my classes (respective to the order they are shown below.)  The grade aren't great and as you can see Filmmaking and Music class kinda killed me.  But all of my teachers seemed to appreciate my contribution in class, so I think it is a semester well done.  I talked a lot in all my classes and I enjoy the discussions and conversations my classes had.  Theres my course evaluation and what my teachers had to say about me.

Graphic Design I:

Kim took her coursework seriously and put a lot of thought into the class projects. She actively participated in class discussions and critique offer informed comments. She put a great deal of thought into her projects and assignments. Kim demonstrated strong creative problem solving skills and developed an excellent command of technology. She pushed herself to create effective and interesting work. She has the dedication and insight to become a successful designer. Her quirky sense of humor made class interesting. She was a pleasure to have in class.

Introduction to Digital Filmmaking:

Kim barely squeaked by with a non-failing grade due to missing 3 class times and not turning in her final project. However, she was an excellent contributor in class and the work she did, while often late or not 100% complete, was quite good. She also offered to help other students on their projects and gave very good feedback during in-class screenings. Her narrative scene, based on Isaac Asimov's short story, Nightfall, was quite ambitious in scope, and he documentary short was informative and engaging.

Introduction to Technology in Music:

Kim, I was hoping you'd pull it all together for the final, and boost yourself into the 'A' range, but you went the other way, scoring a 66% on the exam. Everything averaged out to a solid 'B' though, so all wasn't lost. Thank you for your class participation. You made a big contribution to what I felt was a very open and comfortable class dynamic this semester. It was a real pleasure having you in the class. Good luck in your future studies.

Let's just not talk about the final exam in music, okay?  I seriously spent 2 hours on that thing and by the end of it I was just throwing in words into blanks.  I can't memorize terms like I used to be able to.  But if you want to know about condenser mics and the mellotron I think I could tell you a think or two.

Thoughts And Mindfulness

I used to fill up an entire journal every month. Now it takes me about 6 months to fill one.  I don't write as much.  Part of it is being busy.  Part of it is trying to be less absorbed. I suppose I wouldn't have to write about myself, but when it comes to journaling I usually just say what I have been doing and vaguely how I feel. Nothing poetic.  Nothing deep.  I write lazily in lazy words just to get the gist of what I think, it calms me down.  I don't know what I do to calm down anymore.  I suppose I have been working on mindfulness, which is something many people encourage these days since we all live in our heads now and in the internet.

 Beyond that, I have been previously diagnosed with Dissociative Personality Disorder.  I've been diagnosed with a zillion things but this is one disorder I might agree I have traits of. 

I leave my body a lot.  I dream in third person, and I think in third person.  I often imagine myself from an aerial viewpoint.  It is the worst when it comes to sexual things, and things of high stress and emotion. I've been working on being me.  In me.  Experiencing me.  

I don't know what the right balance is between being present and mindful, and then pursuing my writing, my comic, my blogging.  There doesn't feel to be enough time. I'm already 22 and I'm not a rock star yet. The only people I perform for is my friends when we are drunk, and my pets who don't have an option to ignore me. 

I'm not a published comic book writer, but I have my Dystopian Nuclear Holocaust tumblr.  

I'm not a published novelist, but I have this gloriously stimulating and high brow blog.

I'm not a real director, but I've made 3 short films so far and need to make a fourth this week.

I can't even knit anything beyond bunny blankets. 

I'm not an accomplished artist in anything, but I certainly art a lot of arts.  

I wonder if there is a way to make arts and still be in my body.  Art is so indulgent and wrapped up in the focus and tunnels and the drifting in the head.  I bet pottery is a good one.

Maybe if I paid attention to my body while I did artsy pursuits, they'd actually be good and worth while.  

Right now, I write this on my iPad (which is a horrible way to type this much) at 3:00am on Thursday.  I am laying in bed, my cat Thunder was laying with me but when I pulled my comforter out from under him he left the bed.  My knees are up and my iPad is rested upon them.  My neck is strained on top just one pillow.  Mr Fuzzies is under my right arm.  My hands are dry and I have a slight burning in my throat from the birth control and Zoloft I just took that seems to be giving my acid reflux or dissolving in my esophagus. This is me being mindful. I'm experiencing me. 

 It's actually really dull and I'd rather watch Batman Forever and experience that.  

My Grandmother Asked Me To Send Her A Picture Of Myself

She hasn't seen me in 4 years.