I dated a few guys and "broke their hearts." I had problems letting go of James (because he was the person I moved to Vermont with and the only support I had! I mean c'mon I don't even talk to any of my family really. Of course I'm going to cling to the only person whose ever really cared for me!) I also mooched, and I mooched a lot. I didn't have any money and I had no ways to really afford anything. I wasn't lazy though. I worked three jobs! It just wasn't enough to survive on. I couldn't work too much because I was also a full time student taking five classes. I tried my bloody hardest. I came to Vermont with James, he left me and I had to fend for myself. So I dated guys to try to have support - it didn't work and I would break up with them. And I would mooch to survive. I wasn't a strong person - but if you were 18 moved across the country with an unsupportive family whose made you feel like shit for years and you didn't want to go back you'd probably do something similar. Oh there is a name for it: Borderline Personality Disorder. I'll give you some facts via Wikipedia (because they are a legit source):
" is a psychological condition marked by a prolonged disturbance of personality function, characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods. These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relations. The disorder typically involves an unusual degree of instability in mood and black-and-white thinking, or splitting. BPD often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes and chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, issues with self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self."
There is more but that's the gist of it. Point is I'm not trying to make excuses in my behavior. I know what I did was not who I want to be. And you know what? I've changed. Maybe people can change. It's a wonderful idea. I go to doctors, I take meds, I've dealt with many many demons and maybe even fought dragons. Hah, what I'm saying is I'm better now. AND I DON'T WANT TO SUFFER FROM IT ANYMORE. I have a job and I can support myself. I have fairly healthy relationship with my boyfriend, and I'm beginning to understand the root to many of my issues. It's great and the friends who have stuck around (bless their strong hearts) have seen the progress I've made into being a healthy and functioning young gal. So why do these people have to trash talk me and make others dislike me for things I did two years ago when I was in a "bad place"? You'd think "artists" would like crazy people. Hahaha.
On a brighter note I had an amazing dinner for the 13 month anniversary (we're one of those annoying couples who celebrate every month). We went out to a restaurant called Leunig's. It's a French place and expensive - Buzz spent $140 on our two meals! But it was so so so amazing. I'll post pictures of it. I got a filet mignon and it was so delicious. I ate all of it and was so stuff afterwards. It was worth it though. We spend so much money of food but I just love food. I love it. I don't eat fast food and I don't eat crappy food. I'm willing to spend the extra cash to get a meal rich in flavor (and probably healthier too) than go to Mc Donald's. (shudder) If you like fast food, do what you do, my vice is Chinese food and that's all fried. I just prefer that finer foods.
My last though of the day is I died my hair crazy crazy and I'm happy with the results. I had to pay $15 for the dye they had to specially go out and get and then $71 for the bleaching and everything. It was so cheap! It took three hours but that was fine because My hair stylist offered me water tea or a coffee! Hello service! Aveda has their own licorice tea and it is off the chain. I was totally pleased with my experience there - I'm going to keep going there for more crazy colors. :D
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