Time is absolutely flying.  I'm working my usual dismal awake overnight and it's already been 6 1/2 hours!  I haven't read any of my book yet though.  I need to finish 1Q84.  It's so damn long.  It will be the longest book I've ever read which is nice because in June I plan to start Infinite Jest. Good lord that will be something.  I want to get a Crushee account but have no invite.  I can't tell if it is a site for cam girls or if it is really just for cute people?  I go into the internet so innocent and end up with the worst damn scumbags trying to holla at me. I'm going to jump on Harvest Moon followed by 1Q84.  Night night.

How Mental Illness ruins friendships, but not French food and orangehair.

Ugh!  I am annoyed a little bit today.  Not only did me and my bf fight last night for the umff time but today I found out one of my co-workers de-friended me on Fasbuk.  I don't even know this guy, I only worked with him once!  But he also teaches over at the art school I used to go to and I think that's the reason.  That art school hates me because I wasn't exactly the greatest person when I went there and I ended up in the hospital.  BUT I AM OVER THAT.  And I've apologized to all of the people I wronged.  But all of them were like "Fuck you." when I apologized.  Well fuck that, I got better and if you people can't forgive someone then you aren't worth my time.  But obviously they were shit talking me or why else would my co-worker de-friend me?!  It's not even that I am so egotistical I think "Oh why would any not want to be friends with the wonderful ME?"  It's that he was nice to me up to a point and then suddenly de-friends me.  That hurts because I AM SO DONE SUFFERING FROM MY PAST MISTAKES.  And my mistakes were never even evil to the core mistakes.

I dated a few guys and "broke their hearts."  I had problems letting go of James (because he was the person I moved to Vermont with and the only support I had!  I mean c'mon I don't even talk to any of my family really.  Of course I'm going to cling to the only person whose ever really cared for me!)  I also mooched, and I mooched a lot.  I didn't have any money and I had no ways to really afford anything.  I wasn't lazy though.  I worked three jobs!  It just wasn't enough to survive on.  I couldn't work too much because I was also a full time student taking five classes.  I tried my bloody hardest.  I came to Vermont with James, he left me and I had to fend for myself.  So I dated guys to try to have support - it didn't work and I would break up with them.  And I would mooch to survive.  I wasn't a strong person - but if you were 18 moved across the country with an unsupportive family whose made you feel like shit for years and you didn't want to go back you'd probably do something similar.  Oh there is a name for it:  Borderline Personality Disorder.  I'll give you some facts via Wikipedia (because they are a legit source):
" is a psychological condition marked by a prolonged disturbance of personality function, characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods. These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relations.  The disorder typically involves an unusual degree of instability in mood and black-and-white thinking, or splitting. BPD often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes and chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, issues with self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self."

There is more but that's the gist of it.  Point is I'm not trying to make excuses in my behavior.  I know what I did was not who I want to be.  And you know what?  I've changed.  Maybe people can change.  It's a wonderful idea.  I go to doctors, I take meds, I've dealt with many many demons and maybe even fought dragons.  Hah, what I'm saying is I'm better now.  AND I DON'T WANT TO SUFFER FROM IT ANYMORE.  I have a job and I can support myself.  I have fairly healthy relationship with my boyfriend, and I'm beginning to understand the root to many of my issues.  It's great and the friends who have stuck around (bless their strong hearts) have seen the progress I've made into being a healthy and functioning young gal.  So why do these people have to trash talk me and make others dislike me for things I did two years ago when I was in a "bad place"?  You'd think "artists" would like crazy people.  Hahaha.

On a brighter note I had an amazing dinner for the 13 month anniversary (we're one of those annoying couples who celebrate every month).  We went out to a restaurant called Leunig's.   It's a French place and expensive - Buzz spent $140 on our two meals!  But it was so so so amazing.  I'll post pictures of it.  I got a filet mignon and it was so delicious.  I ate all of it and was so stuff afterwards.  It was worth it though.  We spend so much money of food but I just love food.  I love it.  I don't eat fast food and I don't eat crappy food.  I'm willing to spend the extra cash to get a meal rich in flavor (and probably healthier too) than go to Mc Donald's.  (shudder)  If you like fast food, do what you do, my vice is Chinese food and that's all fried.  I just prefer that finer foods.

My last though of the day is I died my hair crazy crazy and I'm happy with the results.  I had to pay $15 for the dye they had to specially go out and get and then $71 for the bleaching and everything.  It was so cheap!  It took three hours but that was fine because My hair stylist offered me water tea or a coffee!  Hello service!  Aveda has their own licorice tea and it is off the chain.  I was totally pleased with my experience there - I'm going to keep going there for more crazy colors.  :D

Disney, Sad, Hair

Working an awake overnight. I'll try to make a pretty good blog because I have all damn night to write it.  I am currently looking up gyms in Burlington to go to since I want to get fit.  I joined Fitocracy and everything!  Haha.  The only exercise I really do walk everywhere and occasionally stretch.  I seriously want to start losing weight and I haven't lost as much as I'd like.  I want toned belly.

Oh!  My brother bought me a plane ticket so I will be going down to New Orleans May 28th!  Then we are going to drive together to Disney World!  He wants me to sneak Adderal with me because I know a guy up here but it seems risky.  Plus I don't do drugs anymore!  Which brings me to my next point.

I've been depressed lately and I just don't know what to do about it.  That makes me want to do drugs.  Yes I know, drugs are bad.  They don't solve problems.  Be responsible.  But I've just been so fucking responsible and mature since September I'm going crazy!  I work so much I haven't seen friends, I only hang out with my boyfriend and we just do the same stuff, eat at the same places, blah blah.  I haven't been crazy and ridiculous in so long I feel like I am losing myself.  I'm becoming average and boring.  :x  I don't want it.  Maybe not and I'm just being emo.  Whatever.  Oh yesterday was Record Store Day, after I volunteered at the library I fought hipsters for vinyl.

I plan on dying my hair crazy either tomorrow or later this week.  I want pinkkkk.  I hope it turns out all right.  I've been trying out hair color changing apps that change the hair color on pictures but I haven't found any apps that work well.  Uhg.  There are so many shitty apps out there. I've been asking people for advice but no one gives me good advice.  :ccc poo poo.  I'm going to go to the salon and just ask them for advice I guess.  I think I'm going to get on reading 1Q84.  I seriously need to finish that book to begin my Hunger Games VS Battle Royale experiment.  I'll be writing big long rants about that soon I assume.  I am trying to keep these blogs light for now so I don't sound like a bitch.  Book snobbery to come soon though.

Another week has flown by and I barely noticed.  I finished moving all of my things into my new apartment with the bf and unpacked everything.  It looks cute I think.  Sometimes I fear he's going to eventually become overwhelmed and repulsed by the extreme amount of cute and books I own.  That's basically all of my possessions, cute shit - particularly stationary for some reason - and over 100 books.  Throw in cassettes and you got me to a T.  I assume it must be hard to live with me and my large personality.  I feel like Kim juices ooze from me and slowly seep their way into surrounding areas.  What these Kim juices do - I'm not sure but I can feel them.  It's like spraying - like how a dog sprays (or is it a cat?)  Except I don't pee, I just cute and book it up.

Moving on this is my seventh blog and I'm actually keeping up with it.  I am impressed with myself.  I really thought I would dislike the idea after a week but I've come to really enjoy documenting my days/ uploading my pictures.  Even my Tumblr is just pictures of me/other photos I take.  I think continuously re-posting the same images on Tumblr is silly and I don't see the point so I'd just like to keep my photos there.  I hope maybe to get a camera and better the quality of my photos.  Photos I will share today on this current blog I am writing will include: my favorite soda, conventional vegatebales, me and my kombucha (because I think I have Thrush!  x.x), my belly as I think I've lost weight, and my new iPhone case!

Work, Moving, and More Work!

I will try to make this post sound mildly interesting despite lack of adventure in my past few days.  I worked most of Easter, and during the week I worked and now I'm at work.  For 14 hours.  Too much work!  I'm glad I will be getting lots and lots of money though because I am trying to save up for Disney World in case I decide to go with my family.  My mother invited me even though I have not talked to the woman seriously in some time and harbor much ill will towards her.  Nonetheless, I love Disney World and I would love to see my two little brothers who will also be coming on the trip, so I am trying to get down there.  Preferably with my boyfriend.

Other than work, I moved in with my boyfriend!  I was living in a sort of transitional housing before and I am so glad to be out and free!  I was paying to much there anyways.  Plus I found an apartment for June with a full tub and I can have a cat!  It's even affordable and that is a great find for Burlington, Vermont.  I'll upload pictures of my new place soon.  For now these will have to do.  <3

Happy Easter!

Today is Easter and even though I got called in to work 8am until 2pm I am going to enjoy myself as much as possible. But I'm super sleepy it is painful.  I experience pain when I'm sleepy.  My body hurts and my head throbs, is this normal?  I made coffee but that was a horrible mistake.  I haven't drank coffee in months since stomach pain got so bad I was throwing up every morning.  I brought Tums to work with me because I thought since I have cut back on the acidic stuff it wouldn't hurt too bad.  But it really hurts.  I think I've done permanent damage to my tummy.  There were time that I was drinking up to ten cups of coffee a day - usually at Waffle House.  But after I got my first stomach ulcer last July - right around my 20th birthday.  The destruction started when I was working three jobs and going to an art school.  Drank a lot of coffee and snorted energy pills.  I was dumb.  I was drinking on the weekends at that time.  After I went back to Mississippi I didn't drink alcohol too much but I took pills and started  drinking coffee heavily.  Adderal didn't help.  Neither did loratabs since I'm allergic to synthetic opiates.  I started throwing up pretty regularly.  I even got thrush.  When I came back to Vermont I started drinking again.  It got increasingly worse until I got my ulcer and a kidney infection.  I did some drugs then too.  I think when I ODed on Addies is when the stomach issues got serious.  I was throwing up constantly for two days.  I almost chewed my tongue off that night I swear.  The moral of the story is I can't drink coffee anymore even though I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and I'm down to a pack of cigarettes a week.  I'm like one of those cartoon kids you see in Dare activity books.  "Kim used to drink and do drugs and now she can't drink coffee."

I'm not bragging and honestly I don't know how much I like admitting my flaws but I want to be honest to myself here.  But holy shit this is not really Easter talk is it?  Well, I am going to a funeral home for Easter and going to drink little alcohol.  Jeez I'm like Harold in Harold and Maude.
In other bright and cheery news, I got dumplings with my boyfriend yesterday and then I went to work and ordered this super cute iPhone holder.  Also, there is a bow in my hair today.

Weather, video games, Easter nails.

Oh boy this weather has been so dismal.  My mood seems to be so dependent on the weather.  It's been cold and raining, it even hailed yesterday!  I stayed inside like all day yesterday except to go over to my boyfriend's house to play Arkham  Asylum because he bought that and Arkham City just so he'd have a video game I'd be into too.


That's right, I'm not into all video games.  And I'm okay with that.  I don't need to pretend to love all video games to get attention.  I've worked at Gamestop, know what I learned?  There is a lot of shitty games out there and there is a lot of asshole "gamers." I just ain't hip to jive.  My boyfriend actually graduated from a private college as a game design major, which is funny because I'm sooo fed up with the gaming community.  Not everyone who games but the kind of people I'm talking about are always yelling, maybe "otakus," talk in memes and are just basically socially retarded.  Honestly I love some socially awkward people.  My older brother is an Aspie, but I love his social awkward quirks.  (Note:  Aspie:  One afflicted with Asperger's Syndrom, a disorder on the autism spectrum.  The disorder causes social and often motor impairments but those who have it are often very intelligent and have particularly strong interests. - source:  Urban Dictionary - it's legit!)  These "gamers" are really just cocky for no reason and like to brag about how long they played video games non stop and they didn't even shower just so they could game.  I do not find this cool and don't want to fucking hear about how you are a failure slacker who can only live vicariously in simulations.  


Of course I acknowledge that video games can be very fun.  Arkham Asylum seems fun, I lovelovelove Kingdom Hearts (as long as it is not Chain of Memories,) I like Harvest Moon, Pokemans, etc.  I even DDRed in my youth.  I just don't think you should be elitist if you play video games.  I don't care how good you are, it's not an incredible feat.  


Last note on the matter (for now), if you want to be attracted to me, or any girl for that matter, don't base it on how hot it is they play video games.  Guhhhh.  Like me for my intellect, that I'm an active reader, that I'm hardworking, that I love my brothers so much, that I'm learning how to tap dance, or that I play guitar.  Something, anything but games - they're just not what I would want to be respected for.  


On a happier note, I got my nails done today!  I got them with Easter in mind.  ;) 

Lazy day!!

Today was so lazy so I thought I'd just share photos until I'm up to seriously write. There is a picture of my uke I'm learning to play. Not as fun as guitar but still fun. A photo of me wearing a shirt of a band I hate but my boyfriend loves. Explains my angry face. A picture of how blue my eyes looked the other day, and the battle in my ear between my fairly new piercing and my ear buds.